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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles feels he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance often turn “detached from reality”, he states. You feel invincible and you tell yourself, ‘People will see that I stand above others … I’ll do great things for the world’.”

For Spring, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are usually coming after a “sudden low”, where he feels sensitive and embarrassed about his behavior, making him especially susceptible to disapproval from others. He came to wonder he might have NPD after researching his symptoms through digital sources – and subsequently evaluated by a clinician. Yet, he questions he would have taken the label without having already reached that conclusion personally. “If you try to tell somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – most notably if they experience beliefs of dominance. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve constructed. And within that framework, I am superior and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying NPD

Although people have been called narcissists for more than a century, definitions vary what is meant by the diagnosis. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” says a psychology professor, noting the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a clinical identification, he notes many people keep it private, as there is significant negative perception associated with the illness. A narcissist will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to bolster one’s self-esteem through actions such as pursuing power,” the professor clarifies. Those with NPD may be “highly self-focused”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in NPD Presentation

Though a significant majority of people identified as having NPD are males, findings suggests this figure does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that female narcissism is frequently manifests in the less obvious variety, which is less commonly diagnosed. “Men’s narcissism tends to be somewhat tolerated, similar to everything in society,” notes a 23-year-old who shares content on her dual diagnosis on social media. It’s fairly common, the two disorders are comorbid.

Personal Struggles

It’s hard for me with receiving negative comments and rejection,” she says, whenever it’s suggested that I am at fault, I either go into a defensive state or I withdraw entirely.” Despite having this response – which is sometimes referred to as “narcissistic injury”, she has been attempting to address it and listen to guidance from her close relationships, as she doesn’t want to slip into the damaging patterns of her earlier years. I used to be manipulative to my partners during adolescence,” she states. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she says she and her current boyfriend “have a dynamic where I told him, ‘If I say something messed up, if I say something manipulative, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood mainly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of healthy examples as a child. “I’ve been learning over the years what is suitable or harmful to say in conflicts because I lacked that guidance growing up,” she comments. There were no boundaries when my family members were insulting me in my early years.”

Underlying Factors of Narcissistic Traits

Personality disorders tend to be linked to childhood challenges. Heredity is a factor,” explains a mental health specialist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “connected with that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to manage during childhood”, he adds, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting specific standards. They then “rely on those same mechanisms as adults”.

Similar to other of the individuals with NPD, one individual thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The 38-year-old shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve high marks and life achievements, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “good enough”.

As he grew older, none of his relationships ever worked out. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he states. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t experiencing genuine affection, until he met his current partner of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, like him, finds it hard to manage emotional regulation. She is “very supportive of the internal struggles in my head”, he explains – it was in fact, her who originally considered he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

Subsequent to a consultation to his general practitioner, an assessment was arranged to a mental health professional for an diagnosis and was informed of his condition. He has been put forward for therapeutic sessions through national services (ongoing counseling is the main intervention that has been shown to help NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the waiting list for 18 months: It was indicated it is probably going to be early next year.”

He has shared with a few individuals about his NPD diagnosis, because “negative perceptions are widespread that all narcissists are abusers”, but, privately, he has embraced the diagnosis. “It helps me to comprehend my actions, which is beneficial,” he explains. Each individual have acknowledged their condition and are looking for support for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the condition. But the existence of individuals sharing their stories and the development of virtual networks suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number